Sr. Marianna
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“Our hearts are restless until they rest in you, O God!” wrote St. Augustine in his Confessions. This has become my own confession; my own experience.
My name is Sister Marianna. I was born in South Korea. I received baptism in the Catholic Church and my first Holy Communion when I was eight years old, but then, I gradually distanced myself from the Catholic Church and lost my faith in God.
So I was lapsed Catholic; a sinner, not worthy of my calling. Nonetheless, the mercy of God has been boundless, blessing me with the gift of faith and the gift of my vocation.
I remember what those lapsed years were like as I sought my fulfillment in worldly things. Life seemed so empty then and my heart grew more and more restless as I looked for meaning in things that were not God.
During those “wandering” years, my mother often spoke of God and the love of Christ for me. But I resisted and denied God’s existence. She prayed for me so fervently and shed many tears in the same way that St. Monica prayed for her son, St. Augustine.
Then one day, my mother’s prayers were heard and the grace of God broke through my deafness. I could no longer deny the existence of God or resist God’s love. It was an overwhelming experience and, as I surrendered myself to God, everything came alive – the God whose existence I denied and Christ who I thought was dead 2000 years ago.
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I felt like the prodigal son in the Gospel story who returned home after so many years and was embraced by the Father who had been waiting for him. I was so moved by the unconditional love of God for me, I broke down and cried tears of joy in deep contrition and gratitude.
Since my “return to the Father,” I have been graced further with the gift of my vocation and, in serving God, I have found my peace. My heart rests in God, who loves us, and in Christ, who has become everything to me. Although my life is hidden in Carmel, I know that I am living the life of prophetic witness, helping to fulfill the mission of Christ.
CHRIST HAS INDEED BECOME FOR ME, THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE. HE HAS LOVED ME TO THE POINT OF DYING FOR ME, AND NOW I LIVE FOR HIM AND STRIVE TO LOVE HIM AND OTHERS AS HE HAS LOVED ME!
It is my happiness to serve Him and to love Him; to pray for His Holy Church, priests, and the souls who are much in need of mercy. It is my joy to give praise and thanks to Him, and to pray for those who do not yet believe in Him or love Him.
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In Christ I have found everything;
my happiness, my joy, the meaning and the purpose of my life, and my vocation.
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